Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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