I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
