He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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