I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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