She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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