I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
