I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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