Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize