Walk of Shame. In a state park.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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