Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
