I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
