i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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