remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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