i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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