If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
