Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
