belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
