what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
