he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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