I wanna bring you to show and tell
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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