you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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