My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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