I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
