He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
