You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
