Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
