im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
