Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
