Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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