the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
