Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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