Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
