Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
