i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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