Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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