You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
