apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize