My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to sanitize my soul.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
