Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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