PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
