Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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