The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
