my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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