One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
