By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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