I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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