sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
