If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
