I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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