it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
