1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
