I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
