I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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