I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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