I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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