Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
