i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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