David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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