I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
