literally had 100 drinks last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize