I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
