Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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