Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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