i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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