Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
