So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
