I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
