so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
