Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
