Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
