When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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