I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
