He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize