I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
